I knew...I doubt

As I waited in line at the airport to get on the plane that I knew could ruin my life, I found the courage to do it because I had no doubt in my mind that you loved me.  As that same airplane landed in Memphis, a point were I could still turn back, I found the courage to walk to my next gate because I knew you loved me.  When that plane landed in Seattle and I saw you waiting at the luggage claim, I was sure you loved me.  But now, as I wait endlessly for a single word from your lips, I doubt it all.  I doubt all the horrible things you said about your mother.  I doubt all the nights you said you cried yourself to sleep.  I doubt every single whisper of "I love you," that you sent into the electronic void of the telephone.  I question why I committed a felony for you, because of you.  I doubt whether ever word you said was a rope pulling me in further to your world.  This blackhole that consumes everything, but allows nothing to escape.  This abyss that wants everything for herself.  I doubt if I made the right decision.  I doubt if it was worth it in the end.  I doubt if you had your fears but didn't tell me.  I doubt if you ever loved me.